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Computers were designed for people who don't have a life. Those of us who have more important things to do need some help now and then.
   technofile
Al Fasoldt's reviews and commentaries, continuously available online since 1983

Computer jargon demystified, from "any key" to "zip"


Jan. 2, 2000

By Al Fasoldt
Copyright ©2000, Al Fasoldt
Copyright ©2000, The Syracuse Newspapers

   Computer rescue time. Everybody else seems to know how what all that computer jargon means -- except you, right?
   Don't feel bad. Computers were designed for people who don't have a life. Those of us who have more important things to do need some help now and then.
   So here's an alphabetical guide for everyone who feels mystified about computers.
   ANY KEY is the central theme of a joke in the computer business about instructions that say you should "press any key" when there is no such thing as an "ANY KEY" on the keyboard. But what key should you press if you're told to "press any key?" Hit the Shift key or the down arrow key. Don't press the Spacebar key.
   Your BROWSER is the program that shows you things from other computers on the Internet's World Wide WEB. It opens "pages." They're not really pages, but that's the term we use.
   CUT works with PASTE to remove something from your screen and stick it somewhere else. In Windows, drag your mouse over something and hold down the Ctrl key while you press the X key. That's "cut." Use Ctrl-V to PASTE. Use Ctrl-C instead of Ctrl-X to copy something.
   Your DESKTOP isn't the top of your desk. It's the area your icons rest on. It's where you can keep icons and folders. When you DOWNLOAD something, you're copying the file so that it lands on your DESKTOP or somewhere else on your computer.
   We send E-MAIL by the millions each day. People who don't know you send stuff to you by e-mail, and you can then send the same stuff to someone else who doesn't know you.
   FORWARD means passing along e-mail, usually without reading it. This is often done by people who send you VIRUSES. Actually, some people who forward all this mail actually read it, but you'd never know.
   GIFs are pictures on your screen. The word is pronounced "jiff" but some people say "giff." Other kinds of pictures include JPGs ("jay-peggs") and "BMPs" (always called "bitmaps," but you can say "bimp" if you want).
   HOME pages are WEB pages that BROWSERS use to show something as soon as they run. They're never necessary, and they slow everything down.
   The INTERNET is a worldwide collection of networks. They have the wires that computers use to connect to each other so they can send all those forwarded e-mails back and forth. Nobody owns the INTERNET, but Americans built most of it.
   JAVA is a thing your BROWSER uses to do certain functions. It's safe and useful. Don't deactivate it, or you'll forever complain about things that don't work right.
   K is just a short way of saying "kilobytes," meaning thousands of bytes. Bytes are units of computer storage. The letter "A" takes up 1 byte in storage space, for example.
   LINUX is a way of getting computers to work without software from Microsoft, the company that makes Windows. Most of the computers that run the WEB use Linux. It's either free or very cheap.
   M is a short way of saying "megabytes," meaning millions of bytes. See the entry for K.
   NETWORKING means connecting your two or more computers so they "talk" to each other. There's no mystery to networking. If you have at least one extension phone at home, you do it already with your telephone.
   OPEN means what it says sometimes -- to open a folder full of files so you can see what's inside -- but it's just plain jibberish if you talk about "opening" a program. Whenever you're told to "open" a program, think of "running" it, since that's what you really do.
   PASTE takes something that has been stored using CUT and places it where your cursor is. It also works with the copy function.
   QUICKTIME is a thing from Apple Computer, the company that makes the Macintosh, that shows videos. It's free as long as you get the no-frills version. It's needed to play some Windows games.
   REAL PLAYER is something that shows movies and video clips on your screen. It plays sound recordings, too. You get it free from www.real.com. Don't mistake it for the Real Player Plus, which costs money. Get the free one.
   SHUT DOWN your PC by choosing "Shut Down" at the bottom of the Start Menu. Don't just turn it off.
   The THREE-FINGERED SALUTE is a wise-guy name for the three keys that force a PC to restart. They are Ctrl, Alt and Delete, held down all at once. Another function: Press those three keys to get a list of running programs in Windows.
   UNDO is a mostly unknown rescue function in your computer. If you do something dumb, press Ctrl-Z and see if that will "undo" it. Often it will.
   VIRUSES are programs that make your computer sick. People who are mentally deficient create viruses and spread them by E-MAIL and other means.
   The WEB (also called the World Wide Web) lets your BROWSER view things stored on other computers. They can be anywhere in the world.
   X-RATED Web sites are a big problem. You don't want your kids to wander into them. Pay attention to what your kids do on the family computer. Remember: Windows doesn't have any security. Any kid can boot up a Windows PC even if it says you have to type a password.
   YAHOO! is a WEB site that always has something interesting. If you're bored, go to www.yahoo.com or do something smarter and go out and take a walk.
   ZIP is a way to make things smaller so you can DOWNLOAD them faster. You need a zip-and-unzip program. Hot tip: A great zip program called Compressed Folders comes with Microsoft Plus! 98. Buy it (and get the world's greatest screen savers along with it) for $40.